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No 28 East 19th St
June 7th/64d
Dear Mifs Isabel.
How, shall I
write you; as lover, friend,
or brother. I think so much
of you, that (at your bid
ding) I would even try to
school my heart, to beat
as the latter. The first and
second, would require no
exertion, for the first
(forgive me) I cannot help
being. And the second, I
am, and hope I ever shall
be. Then, until I hear
from you, I will act upon
(No 2)
what I think a certainty.
And say dearest friend.
(Let me call you so) May
God bless you as I am wish
ing him to do with every
breath and protect you
from the wiles of this
bad world of ours, keep
ing you ever, good and pure
As, you are, (in my eyes) beau
tiful; I wish I could have
seen more of you, or not have
seen, at all, - for our short
acquaintance has set me
thinking wildly. Bless you -
dear friend. O, how I wish
I could understand you.
Tell me (and from your
(3)
heart,) do you think the least
little bit of me;
Forgive me for asking such
a question, but I know the
world, and have begun to
hate it. I saw you. Things
seemed changed.
I believe you have more
than kind feelings for me,
but, I have been deceived a
thousand times. May I not
be so now. May you not
be deceiving yourself. Reflect
before you answer. Ask your
self if this attachment (If
on your side, any should
exist) is not for the [illegible]
pastime of the hour. A
(4)
Girls [illegible] which even now,
you find passing from your
mind. I fear it is, therefore
write so. Forgive me dearest,
but ask yourself these questions.
Think well upon it. Then say.
Am I to be your brother,
friend, or lover. Dearest
Isabel never never trifle
with anothers heart, or try
to cheat your own. Forgive
me Isobel,I am such a
miserable letter writer that I
am always ashamed of them.
So I cannot tell what I have
been writing about, for should
I read it over, I am sure
That that would be the end of it.
But, God bless this sweet
face before me. It would nerve
me to do anything. (even to write
a love letter, if I knew how.)
Will you believe me when I
tell you I have - well no
matter, God bless it. and
(no 5)
the original say I. Isabel
dear friend, will you grant me
a little favor. It is never to
show my letters even to your
dearest friends. I have no fear
that you will do so, but you
might think like others that
It would be no harm. But
dear friend it would do you no
good. And to tell you a secret
-(I was just about to say, I
love you. Well perhaps I do.)
but the secret is that I am
ashamed to read my own
letters. Much less to have them
seen by strangers. And in
writing to you I may say
some foolish things. (for I
think love and folly are
synonymous terms,) which
though you might forgive, Others
would condemn. Dear friend
I will write no more, but
I dare say you think I have
written too much already.-
I start tomorrow for
the mountains of Penn.
Where I remain about three
weeks, But should you be
kind enough to write me
Direct to me here, and I
will get it, write soon
and remember me to our
friend Miss D-- (she said I
might call her friend.) and say
she shall have those lines on
my return. As I will be unable
to see pen, ink, or paper where I am
going. Write soon. God, God; bless you
Write soon. Write at once, to
John