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22
Mar: 20th ‘81 St James’s Hotel Piccadilly
Dear Jervy
Only a rambling word or two. I have no heart for letter writing. I think I owe you two---but when you know how ill my over-work and great anxiety have made me you’ll look over my neglect. The doctors---three---have no hope for Mary’s recovery & very little for her return to reason, she has been insane an entire week, necessitating two nurses---to guard her day & night. So feeble that for two days past we have looked for her death at
any moment. She is but a mere shadow, can eat but morsels. Thank God! my engagement terminates this week. I hope she will last through it. All advised me, some days, ago to place her in an asylum---but I could not bring my heart to do it, & now I’m glad I did not. Poor Edwina is being sorely tried---her duties now are manifold & I fear will affect her health---indeed she already shows the effects of her two-fold anxiety, on Mary’s and my account. Launt came early yesterday & was with me most of the time. he
has just left for bed & starts for Liverpool tomorrow to sail on Tuesday for N. Y. You will see him soon, therefore I will not say more of him . I find him changed only in his complexion, which does not indicate good blood. My dyspepsia in its most violent form came on with my worry of mind & for several weeks my tortures have been hell-like, rendering me utterly unfit for anything & interfering very seriously with my acting; I’ve barely had strength to pull through the performances at night.
I close with Shylock & Petruchio for six nights
one of the actor's miseries---to simulate the emotions of another while his own are, wolf-like, tearing at his heart-strings. Every night that I go to the theatre I expect to be summoned to Mary’s death-bed. Poor, poor little girl! I must cease to think of her mistakes & recall only the good she tried to do, but wt a disordered brain frustrated. Your last letter was unusually cheerful & made me happy & hopeful for you.
You may not hear soon from me after this; but you know the cause & will not, I hope, fail to write me often. Love to all your people.
Ever & always yours
Edwin