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30
Hull, Octr: 29th ‘82
My dear Jervy-
I have just reread your last (Octr: 1”) and, though dull & stupid as I am tonight, I will endeavor to answer it. You wish me to destroy it & write you a cheerful one in reply. The first I will not do because it is one of your best & most interesting epistles, the latter request I fear I cannot grant, for---as I have said---I am dumpy & dull “as an old cat with the mumps” tonight and, indeed, have been so for some time past, without any cause whatever---unless it be nervous fatigue. I wish I could share your delicious October weather with you, sad though its influence is; tis a sweet sadness such as one cannot feel in this drizzly, smoky & foggy atmosphere of England. I envy you even in the “dumps”---as you say.
The melancholy that falls on me in this climate is a sort of ‘gone-ness,' an utter lack of interest in everything past, present or future, and this very dearth of feeling, as it were, makes me envy, for the time, those who are really unhappy---which I am not. I used to say it was your liver that caused your ‘blues,’ I presume its' my unstrung nervous system that flattens me out. That express just how I feel most of the time. No, your letter is full of interest & [positive?] feeling and expression, too, therefore I shall keep it with those I put by for winter-night reading in the days to come, when my girl is somebody else’s & I, like you, shall have to poke around in lonely places. I wonder how & where I shall pass my time then (if there be any time for me). I am sure I can never become a club-man, like you I am dependant on the domestic side of life, without it I shall be entirely lost. But I do not let
such thoughts affect me, though they steal in, I find, more frequently as the weeks roll on. The girls are happy & brighten the atmosphere of our homes, for every [week?] we have a new one, you know. Of course they are very much occupied with their little plans & secrets & their voluminous correspondence. At this season there is little to be done in the way of sight-seeing & most of the places we visit are stupid, dirty & uninteresting. We thought of going to Rome for Xmas, but the touring thither & thence to Berlin would be too fatiguing just before my German engagement in that city--- the first of a dozen towns I shall act in. At the close of which time we expect Downing to join us & return with us in the Spring. I know [Howells?] & like him, but I fear I shall not read his book, for somehow I have lost interest in reading & am too tired (or lazy) when not acting. He, Aldrich, Hutton, [Barnes?] & some dozen others of note---all Yanks were at Asgood’s dinner in London before I began this trip &
we had a very jolly time ‘till about eleven o’clock, so---you see---we were moderate. [illegible] has sent me his “Rambles”---all delightful: how he can enjoy! I suppose you will take a peek at the lovely Langtry---let me know of her affect on you. I had a very nice letter from [illegible] some weeks ago which I must answer tonight, if possible. He seemed to be himself & at his best when he wrote it. Have heard nothing more from Maria. The ‘Provinces’ are all very enthusiastic, both press & audiences but their sixpences don’t count up very largely on salary day. After next week we go to Dublin for a stop of 12 nights, then back to England on the ‘home-stretch.’ I shall be glad when [this?] useless & profitless trip is ended; just so much wasted time & labor! The girls join me in love to you all. Write often & just as you feel & I’ll do my best for you, wish I could fill another sheet tonight, but I am spent. Ever yours Edwin.